I left for work on
The Mooring July 14th.
I returned home August 16th (or, to be exact, in the early hours of the 17th).
I've been back for almost three weeks, now.
It's been much more difficult than I'd thought it would be, this readjusting to life outside of the movie. For almost five weeks, nothing existed for me outside of
The Mooring. I woke up, came to set, worked, ate, slept, then repeated. It was glorious.
Beforehand, what I was about to do never set in. I assumed it would once I was finally on set, once I heard "
Action!" and started to film.
It never did.
I waited and waited for it to set in, for the reality of it all to hit me, but it didn't. Each moment, each day (or night) of shooting was as surreal as the next.
The night of August 16th was the wrap party. At one point late in the evening I was saying goodbye to Glenn, my super-wonderful-brilliant director, and suddenly,
BAM. It hit me. Everything we'd done settled into my mind. It was like getting a punch in my gut. I could hardly breathe. And the moment it finally set in, I had to say goodbye to it. To everything and everyone. I felt like something inside of me was shattering. I know, I know, I realize how melodramatic that sounds. But whatever, I don't care, because that's what it was like. I felt lost, I felt misplaced, I felt wrong.
For the longest time after returning home, I wondered if I was ever going to stop hurting. Everyone wanted to hear about it,
"how was filming? what was it like?" and I talked about it, but it was painful. Looking at pictures and showing them to others was painful, too.
I grew a lot as a person, and even more-so as an actor, during this experience. I can't even begin to tell you how much. It was the most incredible experience of my life. I felt more alive, more
full, than I've possibly ever felt. I don't know how to help people understand what this was to me.. How much it meant. Why I felt like something died in me when I had to leave it.
I still miss it. I miss it so much. I miss the people--oh, do I miss the people. We girls in the cast became like a sisterhood. I don't see how you could not, spending that much time together. It wasn't like just being friends; it was something deeper. I miss them. The crew . . . they became friends and uncles and second-parents . . . I miss them.
So much. I miss going to set everyday. I miss acting. I really, really miss the acting.
But I finally feel ready to write about it. Hopefully I can type up quite a few posts over the next few weeks, sharing different moments and details about all that happened.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with this (click on it to see it larger):

It's my name. On a movie poster. Oh my oh my oh my!!